The Crowpocalypse

So this last week was the end of my training. The entire week I got to work with the Hawaiian crows, learning about their special husbandry concerns and basically getting to know the fifty some birds we have living at the facility.

And believe me, they each have a very unique personality. Lanakila, for instance, is one odd bird - he's more imprinted on humans than most of the other birds, which means that he associates with humans as well crows (which presents some unique issues for his use in captive breeding). He's simultaneously very shy and very curious (as they all seem to be) and to cope with these conflicting feelings, he follows you around the aviary while holding his head upside down. Of course this makes him more conspicuous, rather than less, but I doubt that he knows this. He's also very interested in water, particularly when it is being sprayed out of a hose. From what I've heard, if you don't lock him out of his hack-box (a smaller room within the larger aviary that is used in catching the birds for medical procedures, etc.) while filling up his water dish, he will run around the bowl getting sprayed with water until he slips and falls. Of course this is embarrassing and makes him angry, so he will then try to attack the hose. It's easier on everyone if you just avoid that whole situation.

Of course most of the birds are much healthier emotionally. They receive a well balanced diet and daily enrichment. Inevitably, some of the enrichment days are more exciting than others (tennis ball day was a good one; the crows went crazy when I put the balls into the aviary. Nalu, one of the breeding males, managed to grab the ball with both feet, roll onto his back, and proceeded to peck at it furiously...it was very endearing). So for the most part, the birds are happy and healthy.

And very, very smart.

Which is terrifying.

Now I've seen "The Birds" before, and never really gave it much credence. The seabirds I've known aren't particularly bright, certainly not enough to worry me. But stepping into an aviary with five fully-grown but fearless crow chicks is an intimidating prospect. They come screaming towards you and perch just a few feet away from your face. You can practically see them contemplating how much meat you've got on you (thankfully not enough to warrant any further action).

This behavior alone shouldn't be enough to worry me...I spent every day of the last four months working with one of the world's largest owls (one whose only goal seemed to be my utter destruction) and that turned out fine. Hell we even had something resembling a functional relationship by the end of that time. But the day I walked into a crow aviary and saw one using tools I knew humanity was in trouble. This particular bird was just using a stick to remove some melon from her water dish, but the number of potentially nefarious applications for this technology keep me awake well past my bed time (8:00 pm...it's tough to stay up past then when you have to wake up at 5:30). I've managed to avoid any crow-themed nightmares, but just like the monkeys I'm sure that it's just a matter of time. I mean these birds have figured out how to see through the one-way mirrored glass that we have in their aviaries. There are humans who can't figure that out. That might just be the most terrifying part of this...these birds are smarter than a lot of the people I've met (dated) in my life. They've got their shit together.

So what's the solution to all this? Well I can't speak for the rest of you, but I'm going to prepare for the inevitable crowpocalypse. For know that means vocal training, learning to mimic the sounds they make. I've got a few of them down so far, but there's a lot of work to be done. Thankfully, I think I'm up to it. The tenacity that helped me win a thirty minute long laughing contest with a rock hyrax at the Minnesota Zoo (not a joke. it happened. I came out the victorious champion)

Loser (above); Winner (below

In all honesty, these are some of the coolest birds I've had the privilege to work with. I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories over the next few months.

I'll maybe update you on something serious next week. I just don't have it in me today.